Posted by Anonymous on 2015/07/12 under Uncategorized I am that person people are embarrassed to say they’re friends with and they feel shame when they hang out with them in public.
I’m no good for anything, I’ll just annoy you with all my dumb problems all the time.
And don’t even start making me feel good about myself because I never will.
However that’s who I am, a person who will get upset over the little things in life.
I am that person who can solve other people’s problems but not my own.
I am that shy nerd in class who turns into this outrageous person when you know me well enough.
As much as I hate to say this, but I feel like I’m such a pain for you and I annoy you so much and that just keeps me up all night.
It keeps me up all night thinking I’m no good for anyone.
Thinking that I can never trust anyone and no one can ever trust me.
Dreading the day when I have no one in my life anymore.
Sometimes when I feel like such a loser, I try to stop myself from thinking that and I try to be who I am proudly.
But that never and will never happen.
I am so insecure about myself that I’ll never realize what it’s like to be comfortable in your own skin and to embrace your imperfections.
I’m so insecure about my hair.
Everyone I know has silky straight hair and they will hurt me without realizing it. They will just do a cute hairstyle together or style each other’s hair while I stare. But they will never understand.
And that’s because not everyone understands what it feels like to get upset over the stupidest little things.
I hate that no one has ever liked me or had a crush on me unlike all my friends. That makes me feel like I’m not pretty, like I’m nothing. And I think that is the ugly truth.
I am insecure of my eyes and my glasses.
I’m tired of my eyes criss-crossing whenever I am tired and that results in me wanting to stay home all day forever. I am sick of my glasses getting in the way of everything and I feel like I can’t wear lenses because my glasses are starting to be part of who I am.
I’m insecure about my eyebrows which will never stay in place. I’m insecure about my pouty big lips which don’t fit my face.
I hate that I’m not that into make up and that’s not because I want to.
I want to always wear make up and not feel restricted or judged but I can’t afford it.
I’m tired of having to watch my friends buy and talk about all those new clothes they got and all the jewelry they have. Because I have nothing but cheap clothes. I can’t afford it.
I’m sick of not having a phone I want so that I’m not embarrassed by it.
I hate that I can’t say my nationality proudly because of racism and people talking behind my back.
I hate that I’m instantly jealous of everyone, even my closest friends.
I’m insecure about my small boobs and my fat belly that I’ll never be able to show.
I’m tired of hiding.
I don’t want to be someone that I’m not.
But I can’t be the real me.
I can’t lose all my friends.
I can’t start over fresh.
I can’t share things I’m actually interested in.
I don’t know what is my sexual orientation.
That because I don’t feel like a person.
I’m just a copy of multiple people.
A wanna-be.
I say I don’t care about what others think but deep inside, I can’t say a word without thinking how it would affect each and every person I know.
I’m a quiet person but in my mind, I never stop thinking.
I don’t want to be known as the smart kid anymore.
I want to be free.
But for now, I can not.